This is a letter for you to read before we start. I want you to see the me that’s unconditional, that doesn’t turn from the messiness, jump to the resolution, or make you feel like you have to qualify, backtrack or gloss over. I want you to see your inner shame as universal. Your secrets as safe with me.
I want you to come when you are pushing love away. When you feel alone. When you feel disconnected from yourself, others, or a higher power. I want you to come when you are at your bottom, when you feel you’ve been left behind or feel like you can’t keep going. I want you to come even when you don’t know why you here.
I want you to stay in it, leave when its done but not a minute before. I want you to cry and not apologize right after. If you feel misunderstood I want you to explain. If you think I fucked up I want your correction. If you think I forgot I want a reminder.
I want you to be willing to heal. Willing to hurt. Willing to break down defenses and exist in this healing space vulnerable and without protection. I want you to own your triggers. Understand your past. I want you to wonder, to try a different perspective and to figure out what it is moving forward you will absolutely not compromise. I want you to experiment, try new things and be curious about your innermost desires.
I want you to tell me when it’s over. When you can speak to yourself with compassion. When you find yourself worthy of love. When you have figured out the unique ways your body needs nourishment and the intention to provide it.
I want you to leave when you know what you deserve. When you don’t allow past behaviors to dictate your present worthiness. When you are no longer afraid to ask for what you want. When your mindset is that which attracts abundance, meaning, truth and joy.
I want you to leave after you identified and created boundaries. When you are ready to kick to the curb every toxic relationship you have ever invested in and when you are able to wear your healed scars publicly and without apology. When you are ready to trust and love with abandon. When you are living a life that is authentically yours and that is worth living. When you can finally say to me “ I will no longer abandon myself.”
I want you to tell me when you are home.
Warmly,
Kierstan