More time. Less rushing.

The Couples Reset

A four-hour, in-person intensive for couples who care about their relationship and are ready to give it real attention.

You don't have to be in crisis. You don't have to be considering separation. You don't even need to arrive knowing exactly what is wrong.

You might simply know that you keep having the same fight. Or that one of you reaches while the other retreats. That resentment has accumulated. That you've become excellent logistical partners and terrible romantic ones. Or maybe something happened — a rupture, betrayal, transition, diagnosis, loss, or major change — and the two of you haven't quite found your way back to each other.

An intensive gives us enough time to stop managing the latest argument and start understanding the system underneath it.

Especially for neurodiverse couples

I have a particular interest in working with couples where ADHD, autism, or other forms of neurodivergence are part of the relationship.

Sometimes what looks like a relationship problem is actually a difference in nervous systems. One person needs to finish the conversation right now in order to feel safe. The other desperately needs space before they can think. One person forgets something important; their partner experiences it as not caring. Over time, those differences can become moralized: You don't care. You're controlling. You're too much. You're impossible to reach.

My job isn't to decide which nervous system is correct. It's to help you understand the relationship you've created between those two nervous systems — and build one that works better for both of you. You do not need a formal diagnosis to work with me.

What happens in four hours

The point is not to spend four uninterrupted hours discussing everything that's ever gone wrong. We do almost the opposite. We slow down. We take breaks. We pay attention to your bodies as well as your words. I interrupt when necessary. We don't let an argument run away with the room just because that's what usually happens at home.

• Arrive

  We begin by grounding and settling your nervous systems. I'll introduce simple regulation and co-regulation practices you can use throughout the intensive and take home with you.

• Understand

  Most couples know what they fight about. We map the pattern underneath it — who pursues, who withdraws, who gets louder, who gets quieter, and what each of you is actually trying to protect.

• Slow it down

  We take one real conflict and slow it way down. Instead of debating who was right, we become curious about what happened inside each of you — and begin turning “here we go again” into “oh — this is the thing we do.”

• Break

  A real one. Time to eat, walk, stare at a tree, check your phone, or simply stop talking about your relationship. Your brain needs integration time.

• Repair

  Understanding your pattern is important, but insight alone doesn't change relationships. We practice something different while I'm actually there — expressing hurt without attacking, listening without defending, asking for space without disappearing, and saying what is underneath anger.

• Build

  Before you leave, we translate what we've learned into your actual life. You'll leave with a clearer map of your relationship and specific things to practice — not twelve pages of homework you'll never look at again.

Before and after

Before we meet, you'll each complete individual questionnaires so I can begin understanding your relationship before you walk through the door. We'll also have a 50-minute preparation session by video.

Approximately two weeks after the intensive, we'll meet again for a 60-minute video integration session. We'll talk about what changed, what absolutely did not, and where the old pattern came roaring back — then refine your plan based on your actual lives.

Not only for relationships in trouble

Some couples come because something is wrong. Others come because something is important. You may be getting married, combining families, having a baby, navigating a new diagnosis, recovering from burnout, moving, changing careers, or simply realizing that you love each other and have become increasingly disconnected while managing absolutely everything else.

You don't need to wait until your relationship is on fire to pay attention to it.

When an intensive may not be appropriate

An intensive isn't the right container for every relationship. Before scheduling, I'll screen for circumstances where another form of support would be safer or more useful, including active intimate partner violence or coercive control, untreated active addiction, acute psychiatric instability, or situations where participating openly could place one partner at risk.

If one person has already decided to end the relationship and is coming primarily to announce that decision, traditional couples work may also not be the most useful starting point. If I don't believe an intensive is appropriate, I'll tell you.